


Retweet to Roast Darcy

by fairycat



Category: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Humor, Multi, Other, Swearing, Twitter, cameos by characters from other works, emojis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:54:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25936264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairycat/pseuds/fairycat
Summary: To quote @collettkid from Twitter (see tweethere), Darcy is "some random guy on Twitter announcing what he thinks a woman should be and Elizabeth is the Twitter famous girl that retweets it to roast Darcy in front of her 47,000 followers."
Relationships: Elizabeth Bennet & Charlotte Lucas, Fitzwilliam Darcy & Colonel Fitzwilliam (Pride and Prejudice)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 67





	Retweet to Roast Darcy

**Author's Note:**

> Heather, this is for you.
> 
> Also, in case the emojis don't show up correctly for you, here's a link to Emojipedia: https://emojipedia.org/
> 
> In order, I used Red Heart, Folded Hands, Face with Tears of Joy, Face with Tears of Joy, Slightly Smiling Face, Eyes, Face with Tears of Joy, and Woman Facepalming.

On 06/10/2020 at 1:42 PM, @therealfitzwiliamdarcy tweeted:  
If she doesn’t have a college degree, play an instrument, sing, dance, draw, speak at least 2 languages, & vote in local elections, then what is she even doing with her life?  
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On 06/10/2020 at 1:43 PM, @sweetcaroline replied:  
@therealfitzwilliamdarcy Preach! Also she should b charming & cool, & know how to dress incl hair & makeup. Like sis u gon be seen.  
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On 06/10/2020 at 1:45 PM, @therealfitzwilliamdarcy replied:  
@sweetcaroline She should also read extensively. Trashy books don’t count, of course.

On 06/10/2020 at 8:21 PM, @revwillcollins quoted @therealfitzwilliamdarcy and added:  
It’s GREAT to have these qualities, but we should be kind to EVERYONE, even those who lack all these qualities! ❤️ 🙏

* * *

The next morning, Charlotte saw Pastor Will’s tweet. The pastor’s words were sweet but bland. She could hardly believe this @therealfitzwilliamdarcy, so she DMed the tweet to her friend Lizzy with the following message accompanying it:

Omg can you believe this guy? OP I mean. Pastor Will is . . . trying. Mariah appreciates his words at least. : P

* * *

On 06/11/2020 at 9:12 AM, @lizzyeliza quoted @therealfitzwilliamdarcy and added:  
Can you believe the fucking nerve of this guy? Lower your goddamn standards for women ffs.

* * *

Many initial replies followed:

On 06/11/2020 at 9:34 AM, @charlu93 replied:  
@lizzyeliza Preach. :)

On 06/11/2020 at 9:53 AM, @mariaha replied:  
@lizzyeliza OMG you actually did it. You actually dragged that guy. On your actual Twitter. OMG. This is so funny but so scary I’m shaking.

On 06/11/2020 at 10:02 AM, @notamonster replied:  
@lizzyeliza He has such high standards while I’m just hoping for someone who doesn’t run away screaming because my eyes are “uncanny.” He better count his blessings every day.

On 06/11/2020 at 10:11 AM, @revwillcollins replied:  
@lizzyeliza Language, Elizabeth!

On 06/11/2020 at 10:13 AM, @amymarchforth replied:  
@lizzyeliza I better see this on whitepeopletwitter dot tumblr dot com

On 06/11/2020 at 11:41 AM, @tessdurb04 replied:  
@lizzyeliza IKR? Men expect women to be perfect. If you make one (1) mistake, you’re ruined 4EVER. But men can make the same mistake and no one cares!! #doublestandards

Several spiraled out into longer comment threads:

On 06/11/2020 at 9:42 AM, @sweetcaroline replied:  
@lizzyeliza Um excuse me how fuckin dare u. You’re just jealous u can’t do any of that u salty bitch.  
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On 06/11/2020 at 9:43 AM, @lbhurst replied:  
@lizzyeliza @sweetcaroline go off sis!  
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On 06/11/2020 at 9:43 AM, @lbhurst replied:  
@lizzyeliza @sweetcaroline as for u op u need to step off and go get urself an education  
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On 06/11/2020 at 12:25 PM, @lizzyeliza replied:  
@lbhurst @sweetcaroline I’m literally in college right now to get my bachelor’s degree but go off I guess  
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On 06/11/2020 at 1:22 PM, @NwokeNkeEzinma replied:  
@lizzyeliza @lbhurst @sweetcaroline BOOM! There it is! Go Lizzy!  
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On 06/11/2020 at 1:25 PM, @sweetcaroline replied:  
@lizzyeliza @lbhurst if that’s true how come u act like uneducated trash

On 06/11/2020 at 10:56 AM, @ifitfitz replied:  
@lizzyeliza I’ve been following you for a while and I’m pretty sure you meet all the qualifications that guy listed.  
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On 06/11/2020 at 12:16 PM, @lizzyeliza replied:  
@ifitfitz hahaha you flatter me but trust me, NO ONE meets those impossible standards  
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On 06/11/2020 at 12:20 PM, @ifitfitz replied:  
@lizzyeliza You’re working on a college degree. You’re politically outspoken. You’ve complained abt Spanish verb conjugations & Japanese pronouns. You’ve linked your DeviantArt. You’ve posted piano recitals & musical performances on your YT.  
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On 06/11/2020 at 12:45 PM, @charlu93 replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitfitz A bit stalkerish but ok…  
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On 06/11/2020 at 12:46 PM, @lizzyeliza replied:  
@ifitfitz OMG no! Those recitals are from so long ago & my DeviantArt posts are just as old! 😂 I’ve barely been playing piano since I started college, I only dance in my room, & I only sing in the shower!  
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On 06/11/2020 at 12:50 PM, @sweetcaroline replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitfitz dude stop being such a kissass. & lizzy no one wants to know what u do in the shower  
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On 06/11/2020 at 2:22 PM, @bennet_sis_lydia replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitfitz n she sounds TERRIBLE when is this quarantine gonna lift so she can go back 2 campus n away from me???  
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On 06/11/2020 at 3:09 PM, @janey98 replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitfitz @bennet_sis_lydia Lydia, that is unkind.  
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On 06/11/2020 at 3:09 PM, @bennet_sis_kitty replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitfitz @bennet_sis_lydia @janey98 but its true lol  
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On 06/12/2020 at 1:05 PM, @emmaw98 replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitfitz @bennet_sis_lydia @janey98 lizzy why do the bennet sisters follow you on twitter  
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On 06/12/2020 at 1:14 PM, @bennet_sis_kitty replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitfitz @bennet_sis_lydia @janey98 @emmaw98 she’s our big sister lol! Follow us on twitter, insta, sc, & tiktok! We make cool content! :3  
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On 06/12/2020 at 2:02 PM, @lizzyeliza replied:  
@bennet_sis_kitty @ifitfitz @bennet_sis_lydia @janey98 @emmaw98 Kitty what did I tell you about promoting your stuff on my Twitter

Lizzy even showed @therealfitzwilliamdarcy’s tweet to her father.

On 06/12/2020 at 7:45 PM, @lizzyeliza replied:  
Update: showed the tweet to Dad. He shook his head & said we should be grateful for proud, foolish, pretentious young men for giving us free entertainment.  
|  
On 06/12/2020 at 7:47 PM, @sweetcaroline replied:  
@lizzyeliza Ur dad is an asshole. I see the bitch doesn't fall far from the tree.  
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On 06/12/2020 at 8:07 PM, @ifitzisitz replied:  
@lizzyeliza lolol i love your dad  
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On 06/12/2020 at 8:14 PM, @ifitfitz replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitzisitz bro don't betray me like this  
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On 06/12/2020 at 8:21 PM, @ifitzisitz replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitfitz you’ll survive  
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On 06/12/2020 at 8:23 PM, @catiemorland replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitfitz @ifitzisitz Are you 2 in the same fandom? Is that why your handles are similar?  
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On 06/12/2020 at 8:27 PM, @ifitfitz replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitzisitz @catiemorland we're related  
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On 06/12/2020 at 8:28 PM, @ifitfitz replied:  
@lizzyeliza @ifitzisitz @catiemorland also that's a weird question  
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On 06/12/2020 at 8:46 PM, @izzyt replied:  
@lizzyeliza @catiemorland omg catie not everything is about fandoms!! Ur such a nerd honey ily

Of course, Lizzy’s sister Mary couldn’t resist putting in her two cents.

On 06/12/2020 at 8:30 PM, @lizzyeliza replied:  
Update part 2 electric boogaloo: my Incredibly Wise™ sister Mary says we should always seek to improve ourselves and encourage one another's efforts  
|  
On 06/12/2020 at 8:47 PM, @amymarchforth replied:  
@lizzyeliza Your Incredibly Wise™ sister Mary is my fave person in your family after you 😂  
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On 06/12/2020 at 8:49 PM, @mariaha replied:  
@lizzyeliza Oh, that is a very good reminder! Please thank your sister for me.  
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On 06/13/2020 at 9:46 AM, @revwillcollins replied:  
@lizzyeliza Wise words from Mary, to be sure!  
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On 06/13/2020 at 10:32 AM, @lizzyeliza replied:  
@revwillcollins lol I’ll tell her you said that 🙂  
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On 06/13/2020 at 10:37 AM, @charlu93 replied:  
@lizzyeliza @revwillcollins 👀  
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On 06/13/2020 at 10:40 AM, @lizzyeliza replied:  
@charlu93 @revwillcollins 😂  
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On 06/13/2020 at 11:08 AM, @janey98 replied:  
@lizzyeliza @charlu93 @revwillcollins 🤦♀️


End file.
